AdoreMyFeet...

Different personalities

Something I wanted to share for a while now, but never reallly got to it, cause I didn’t really know how to formulate what I’m trying to say. So lets hope what I’m about to say next makes sense and that some of you might be able to recognize.

I believe that we are all born with a certain character. Now, this is not based on scientific terms, so please don’t pin me on that. Then the experiences in life form your personality.

Now why would I blog about this. What I have noticed, is that when people meet me for the first time they are intimidated by me. This has happend to me in a few occasions, like at college, social events or at work, so usually in new environments for me. Often they would come back to me later and tell me about this. They would tell me their first impression of me was wrong. That I would come off as aggressive, that I don’t care or that I’m boring or angry.

My upbringing hasn’t always been easy and I don’t want to cry about my past too much. But in my early 20’s my mom told me on several occassions that I was born evil. We never really had a good relationship and I would fight her with all my might to not let her in and get to know me. I didn’t want to show the real me, because I believed she would abuse it. So I acted out. When we got a bit older and wiser she took it back and said that I have a kind character, but that I just don’t want to show it.

Sometimes I wish I could just show the real me, without the fear for people abusing it. For the people I love, I would give my all. Not just materialisic but also emotionally. I want the people around me to do good and I surround myself with people of who I believe have potential to succeed in life. And by succeeding in life I do not mean financial wealth.

People who know me tell me I have two faces, a tough one and a soft side. It sometimes even confuses me who I want to be at certain times. When I feel insecure I tend to be a pain in the butt. But this does not always work out for me. So how do I find a good balance between putting up my guard without giving off the signs of being unapproachable? Like in a new work environment? I am driven and I am ambitious, I can be vicious sometimes, but that last one is a mood I guess.

How do I show the true me without being scared of people abusing it?